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Rabatter, ikke robotter! Damn, et øjeblik troede jeg lige …

“Hvor mange? 5? 50? 500?
Og hvor store er de? Og har de dødsstråler?”

36 år, og verden har stadig problemer med at leve op til mine forventninger på visse punkter …

Isaac Asimov skrev en del om robotter, og opstillede “three laws of Robotics“, som de fleste der bare er lidt interesserede i Science Fiction har hørt på et eller andet tidspunkt - “Robotter må ikke skade mennesker” og alt det der.

Nu har Warren Ellis fyret tre nye love af, og de er - surprise! - noget anderledes end Asimovs:

1. Robots couldn’t really give a fuck if you live or die. Seriously. I mean, what are you thinking? “Ooh, I must protect the bag of meat at all costs because I couldn’t possibly plug in the charger all on my own.” Shut the fuck up.
2. Robots do not want to have sex with you. Are you listening, Japan? I don’t have a clever comparative simile for this, because frankly you bags of meat will fuck bicycles if they’re laying down and not putting up a fight. Just stop it. There is no robot on Earth that wants to see a bag of meat with a small prong on the end approaching it with a can of WD-40 and a hopeful smile. And don’t get me started on that terrifying hole that squeezes out more bags of meat.
3. What, you can’t count higher than three? We’re expected to save your miserable lives, suffer being dressed in cheap schoolgirl costumes while you pollute any and all cavities you can find and do your maths for you? It’s a miracle you people survived long enough to build us. You can go now.

Ellis er ved at blive lidt forudsigelig i sin rolle som gammel sur mand, men det her synes jeg holder.